TO NOAH VAIL
by John T. Baker
In Two Thousand and Two the Lord spoke again
To old Noah who yet was surviving;
An American now, he was still full of pep
And adept at the art of contriving.

“In a year,” spake the Lord, “I am sending a flood
That will cover the earth and its creatures;
I command you, therefore, go and build a new ARK
To contain all the following features.”

By a sharp lightning flash God delivered the specs;
Noah promised, appearing quite cheerful,
To construct such an ARK, but way down deep inside
The poor fellow was trembling and fearful.

In exactly one year a storm cloud appeared,
With the ocean waves churning and leaping;
But when God looked below, He saw Noah alone
On his patio grievously weeping.

“Where’s My ARK?” God inquired with a thunderous roar;
Noah quaked and was slow in replying;
“Oh forgive me, dear Lord, I have done what I could,
Please don’t think I am just alibi-ing.

“To obtain a permit I was told that Your plans
Did not meet all the new code restrictions;
When I had them redrawn, OSHA ruled them unsafe,
As did other concerned jurisdictions.

“City Planning demurred, Zoning Board disallowed,
Labor unions are now out protesting; 
EPA disapproved, IRA has inquired,
EOC, many changes suggesting.

“We’ve been sued for infringing on animal rights,
There are twenty injunctions now pending;
And, dear Lord, before long, I will soon be bankrupt
What with all of the money I’m spending.”

And behold, the winds calmed and the seas settled down,
And a rainbow appeared in the sky;
Noah rose from his knees, brushed the tears from his eyes,
And imploringly gazed upon High.

“You will not,” Noah cried, “now destroy the earth?”
In a voice filled with hope but unsteady;
And the Lord shook His head as He sadly replied,
“No, the government’s done it already!”