DR. SEUSS ON CERTAIN SYMPTOMS
by John T. Baker
If you mumble and you grumble 
     as you tumble out of bed
And you stumble and you fumble 
     getting dressed and getting fed
And your stomach keeps on churning 
     and your legs are turning lead,
This is probably a problem 
     you'll see more of up ahead.

If you dribble as you nibble 
     on a bagel or a bun
And you're straining and complaining 
     that your work is never done
And your petty peccadilloes 
     are no longer any fun,
You can bet, my friend, it's not the end, 
     it's barely just begun.

If you wobble as you hobble 
     through the rubble in your room
And you squabble as you gobble 
     everything you can consume
And you quiver and you shiver 
     with a fever as you fume,
You may wonder why you're under 
     such a spell of gloom and doom.

If you haggle and you waggle 
     as you straggle up the stairs
And you're weary of the queries 
     and the cares of all your heirs
And your spouse delights in pointing out 
     your friends are millionaires,
You had better have a checkup 
     and perhaps a few repairs.

If you struggle just to snuggle 
     and to hug a little ease
And your partner gets distracted 
     when you sniffle, sneeze and wheeze
And you go on interrupting 
     any time you damn well please,
Then, my friend, you're getting older
     . . . an incurable disease!