EURO ENGLISH
by John T. Baker

(Announcement by the European Union)

It finally has been agreed
That English now will be
Officially the language of
Our nations' destiny.

We first considered German but
Consensus has agreed
That English is the proper tongue
To serve our future need.

There'll be a few small changes in
The spelling of some words
Because we've found that many now
Are strictly for the birds.

We've settled on a a five-year plan
To implement this change;
The first year we'll let "s" replase
Soft "c," which may seem strange

And for a while perhaps may make
Our sivil servants sad;
But when the hard "c" next bekomes
A "k" they'll all be glad.

Konfusion will be kleared up and
The sekond year much better
When "ph" is replased by "f"
To save another letter.

Then publikly akseptanse of
This fase kan be expekted
And any komplikations kan
Be kleverly korrekted.

The third year double letters which
Enkumber now our speling
Wil disapear with al of us
Kontent and not rebeling.

The fourth year we wil al agre
The silent "e" 's not neded
And its elimination wil
Be cherfuly konseded.

"Th" wil be replased by "z"
And "w" zen wiz "v"
And ozer useles leters dropd
By law ofishily.

So in ze fifz year ve vil hav
A ritn styl zat's nu;
Zer vil be no mor trubl and
Ze drem vil zen kum tru.