"When I drink, I'm a wiser and better man.   -H.L. Mencken

WHEN I DRINK
by John T. Baker

When I drink I'm a wiser and better man,
There's nothing that I can't do;
I know no bounds, I can run with the hounds
Or so fast that no one can pursue.

I can climb Mount Everest on my knees
And then do a quick encore;
I can teach Michael Jordan the right way to dunk
And home runs I can hit by the score.

I can master new math, write a dozen great books,
Nonchalantly explore Outer Space,
And be humble throughout so I graciously can
Do it all with a smile on my face.

Everything is then magic and easy as pie,
I can do whatever I think;
I can lick any guy and spit in his eye,
I am King of the Hill when I drink.