Country Music

I've watched line dancers in the street,
On happy, tapping, flashing feet.
I like to see those grinding hips,
Those body rolls an' kicks an' twists
But can't take that country music.

It makes me wanna scream an' shout
It turns my insides inside out,
It makes me weep, it makes me frown,
It makes my socks roll up an' down.
Can't take that country music.

I like Garth Brooks to sing a song,
I watch his tonsils dance along,
Leap ten foot high, gyrate his pelvis
And sing his heart out just like Elvis.
Can't take his country music.

Those country songs that sound the same
Just fill my shrinking ears with pain.
Ties my eyebrows up in knots
And brings me out in big red spots.
Can't take that country music.

It makes me wanna beat my head
An' stuff my ears with molten lead,
Howl like a wolf up to the moon
And gibber like a crazy loon.
Can't take that country music.

Now I can take that rock and roll,
That rythmic reggae, blues an' soul,
That pulsing music, loud an' groovin'
Or those great classics, sweet an' soothin'.
Can't take that country music.

I'd ride the streets stark naked on a wild and and buckin' horse,
Swim with mouth wide open through seas of chilli sauce,
I could take a red-hot poker in a very tender spot,
But take that country music - I surely jus' cannot.