Miss Prim

Way back in 1878
When life was rough yet more sedate,
Before Ned Kelly's stand was made
And Cobb & Co. still plied their trade,
In those times, oft hard and grim,
There lived a spinster, Prudence Prim.

Prudence Prim was sweetly old,
Gentle, kind, with heart of gold
There in her little outback store,
Sold home made lollys by the score,
Plus bits and pieces people sought
And which the monthly stage coach brought.

She dressed in gowns a little dated,
Sombre black and narrow waisted,
High throated necks in modest fashion,
To discourage old men's passion
And she wore a favorite gown,
The day bush rangers came to town.

She heard the shouting and the shots
As she was making acid-drops.
She dropped the drops that she was making,
Heart aflutter, hands ashaking
As without a single knock,
They burst into her little shop.

The leader grinned at her and leered
Through his great red bushy beard,
Stuffed his mouth with 'Chocolate Whirls'
Reached out and snatched her string of pearls,
Took her cash, and then the lout,
Whirled his horse and clattered out.

Prudence looked with much chagrin
At the mess her shop was in.
That night she added to her prayers,
"Forgive me Lord , but they'll get theirs,
For though I'm gentle, kind and sweet,
I just can't turn the other cheek."

She tucked her gown inside her drawers
And saddled up her old, gray horse,
Stuffed home made lollys in a pack,
Strapped it to her ancient back,
And without word to kith or friends,
Galloped off to seek revenge.

Morning came, the local cop
Awakened by a gentle knock,
Found Big Red, the bold outlaw,
Tied hand and foot outside the door,
With trousers down, the buttocks up
Bore the imprint of a womans foot,
And in a place that bore no hints
Was a king-sized bag of king-sized mints.

Miss Prim's exploits right or wrong
Weren't wrote about in book or song,
For no one ever found the links
Between Miss Prim and king sized mints.
Yet I think that this is true,
Ned Kelly must have had a clue,
Because he never took a chance
And always wore his iron pants.

Now next when Miss Prim knelt to pray,
This is what she had to say.
"Forgive me Lord, for I have erred
And for a while my hands were stirred,
To doing things that's best avoided
But I admit, I HAVE enjoyed it".