Not Necessarily True
Light Verse by Don Tidwell

The Streaker
Hotel/Motel Lobby
The Spying Spider
Who Can You Trust?
The Case of the Missing Donkey
A Point to Ponder
Miss Adelaide

THE STREAKER

	He appeared at the dorm
	In the day's fading light
	Clad only in big toothy smile ...
	When the cops tried to catch him,
	He turned on the speed,
	And clocked a new three minute mile!!!




HOTEL/MOTEL(?)LOBBY

	The girls who work the sidewalks
	in the oldest of professions
	are lobbying the congress for
	some marketing concessions.

	They want to call attention
	to the rigors of their trade,
	and retain a larger portion
	of the money that they've made.

	Their "modus operandi,"
	proved by time and free of flaw,
	is embroiled in controversy
	brought about because of law.

	They've been victimized and criticized
	for being independent,
	and want Congress to enact a
	"Prostitutional" amendment.




THE SPYING SPIDER


	My bathtub is my haven
	    when I've had a busy day.
	The soothing steamy water
	    seems to soak my cares away.

	Imagine my chagrin one night
	    when hiding from it all,
	to see a big black spider
	    clinging to the blue tile wall.

	He ignored my keen displeasure
	    as he yo-yo'd on his line --
	he was practising rapelling
	    and his technique seemed just fine.

	I sensed that he was spying
	    on my privileged retreat ...
	that he thought my shiny earlobe
	    might be something good to eat.

	He crawled around his universe
	    inspecting every tile,
	then climbed upon his special perch
	    to watch me for a while.

	We played the game of 'chicken'...
	    I matched him stare for stare,
	He suddenly got careless
	    when he thought I didn't care.

	I snatched that interloper ...
	    his chance to live was gone!!
	I wrapped him in a tissue
	    and flushed him down the john!!




WHO CAN YOU TRUST


	Poor Ellin was a nervous wreck
	As mad as she could be;
	Her druggist and beautician
	Fouled her up as you will see

	The druggist switched the labels
	On her shampoo and her pills,
	And sent Ellin on her merry way
	To pay some other bills.

	After using as per label,
	Ellin told this likely tale;
	She was going to find that druggist
	And arrange a stay in jail.

	She blamed him for her problem
	Though she knew he wouldn't care
	That she took her shampoo orally,
	and contraceived her hair!!




THE CASE OF THE MISSING DONKEY
(Perry Mason never had one like this !)

	An old prospector
	 lost his donkey.
	Asked a lady
	 where his ass went.
	She promptly SUED
	 that sad old man
	for implied
	 sexual harassment!




POINT TO PONDER

	About that quaint old woman
	who lived in that old shoe
	and had so many children
	she didn't know what to do:
	Though you never hear it mentioned
	I presume it must be true,
	that unless she finally kicked him out,
	her husband lived there too!!





MISS ADELAIDE

	Miss Adelaide Snodgrass,
	A stodgy old maid,
	Reached age sixty three,
	And had never been laid!

	She trained as a teacher,
	Adept at her trade,
	But of things deemed romantic,
	Was sorely afraid.

	The picnics and dances,
	She'd purposely shun,
	And would never join in
	On the other school fun.

	She plodded through life
	In this aseptic mode,
	Convinced that romance
	Was an onerous load.

	She lived out her life
	Prim and properly staid,
	And would never emerge
	From this strange barricade.

	She died, and the minister
	Soulfully prayed,
	"Praise the Lord cause Miss Adelaide's
	Finally been laid." To rest!!  

Home



© Don Tidwell, 1953-2003